Buying A Ferrari

Okay… first of all, let me make it clear that I’m not buying a Ferrari… Even if I did, I don’t even have a place to put one for about a year (when the house is done).

But I remember reading somewhere (or maybe someone told me) that there was a multiple-year wait to get one. So I figured I would just ask to see how long the wait was (it would be fun to have a cool sports car *someday*).

Currently it’s a 4 year wait. And here’s the good part… you can’t get on the waiting list unless you already own a Ferrari. That’s so idiotic it (almost) makes me want to never buy one in my whole life. So basically you have to buy a used Ferrari (for more than the cost of a new one) to get on the list to be able to get a new one.

That’s just stupid if you ask me.

“…Shove It Up My Weener Hole…”

I think Shawn (a different Shawn, not me) gets the award for the best comment on my blog for 2005…

“I will just shove it up my weener hole whenever I visit.”

It’s pretty funny when taken out of context… and just as funny when it’s in context (original comment).

As an award for Shawn, I will not post him in a bikini for all of 2006. Good job Shawn! Hopefully you win again next year, otherwise I’m posting it on January 1, 2007.

I Need To Be More Dorky

I just realized that it’s been weeks since I had something dorky to say (like programming or something to do with MySQL for example).

Just so you know that I am still dorky, here’s some PHP code for you (from my post over here)…

This will put the keywords that someone searched on to reach your site (works with Yahoo, AOL, MSN and Google) into the $keywords variable.

[code=php]$parse = parse_url($_SERVER[‘HTTP_REFERER’]);
$se = $parse[“host”];
$raw_var = explode(“&”, $parse[“query”] );
foreach ($raw_var as $one_var) {
$raw = explode(“=”, $one_var);
$var[$raw[0]] = urldecode ($raw[1]);
$se = explode (“.”, $se);
switch ($se[1]) {
case ‘yahoo’:
$keywords = $var[‘p’];
case ‘aol’:
$keywords = $var[‘query’];
$keywords = $var[‘q’];
unset($parse, $se, $raw_var, $one_var, $var);[/code]

Weeeeeeeeeee! Can I go to bed now?

I’m Sexy!

Sometimes I forget about how god damn sexy I am.

This is what happens when I’m out trying to pick up cows and my pimp juice is flowing.

If I had an identical twin brother, I would seriously consider a life of homosexuality (and incest I suppose).

So seriously, I want to know what you think… On a scale of 1 to 10 with 6 being the highest, how sexy do you think I am? ๐Ÿ™‚

P.S. – It’s amazing that Gisele Bundchen hasn’t called me since her and Leonard DiCaprio split up, don’t you think? Obviously she hasn’t seen *this* picture of me.


I was just informed that Gisele is dating Kelly Slater, so it makes sense about her not calling me now.

Letterman’s Restraining Order Overturned

David Letterman successfully had the restraining order against him overturned.

“I appealed to the court for a restraining order to keep this man away from me, but now that’s been denied me,” she said. “He has access to me. He can actually come for me or send people. He has many accomplices. I know this sounds crazy. I was crazy to have listened to him in the beginning.”

Well… at least she KNOWS she sounds crazy. ๐Ÿ™‚


The Big Portland Move

I know it’s in terribly bad taste to make fun of someone’s blog (especially since this one sucks), but when someone starts ripping on San Diego, S.D. has to represent bitches! (I’m 3rd or 4th generation San Diegian) ๐Ÿ™‚


Actually, now that I dig into it a little more, I don’t even have to say anything, all I have to do is quote his blog (keep in mind this is a dude)…

He can knit, so I guess it’s not *all* bad. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Our good friend and neighbor Wendy has taught me how to knit!

I will be hanging out and just knitting up a storm…

…knitted for about two hours while watching “The Muppet Show”…

S.D. in da’ house!

Some Frisbee Golf

I think the last time I played frisbee golf was around Thanksgiving (and it was many months for the time before that). I used to play every week, but lately I just haven’t.

Anyway, you will be glad to know that I didn’t (completely) forget how to play. Had a mediocre front-9, and finished 1 under par for the day. I need to get back to playing weekly.

Man Arrested For Not Warning Bicyclist Of Pothole

A photographer that hung out waiting for a someone to eat crap (so he could take pictures) was arrested for “lying in wait” to take the pictures.

A photographer has come under fire in China for his pictures of a man falling off a bicycle.

The man came a spectacular cropper in Xiamen city after his bike hit a pot-hole submerged in rainwater.

But photographer Liu Tao was accused of lying in wait to take his pictures instead of warning people of the danger.


I originally saw it on Boing Boing.


That’s the only way I can sum up the Charger’s season. Now that they are officially not going to make the playoffs. They *should* be 14-1 at this point, but they aren’t… Instead they are 9-6.

All they need is to upgrade their defensive backs and maybe add another good wide receiver and it will be all good for next year.

On a positive note, the Raiders lost today too, so I don’t have to make sweet love to them.

Osama Bin Laden’s Niece Poses In GQ Magazine

I wonder if Osama bin Laden is super stoked about one of his “blood” posing for racy pictures in GQ magazine…

“The niece of the man who orchestrated the destruction of the World Trade Center seventy-eight blocks to the south has a point. After September 11, the name bin Laden (which is how itรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs spelled when referring to Osama) turned radioactive, borderline satanic-by-association. It made her feel cursed, presumed guiltyรขโ‚ฌโ€made her wonder if it might keep her from ever getting a record deal. So she took her motherรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs maiden name, Dufour, which makes for a better รฏยฌยrst impression, even though the bin Laden taint is always there.”

Wafah Dufour (changed her last name from bin Laden) is in this month’s GQ:


President Bush Is An Upfront Guy

President George W. Bush, 2004:

“[T]here are such things as roving wiretaps. Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires — a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we’re talking about chasing down terrorists, we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so. It’s important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution.”

In case you don’t know what’s going on in the world, it was recently leaked that Bush has allowed the government since 2002 to do wiretaps on US citizens without a court order in order to “fight terrorism”, which according to many members of Congress (including Republicans), is illegal.

Even if it’s not illegal, I know Bush couldn’t disclose a classified directive publicly, but why does he need to go into so much detail about how it would never be possible. He should have stopped after the first sentence IMO.

Saw it on Boing Boing

Brett Tabke Blog/Commodore 64 Stuff

For the uber geek (hey, that’s me), having a blog in your robots.txt is a pretty fun idea.


It’s a nice minimalist approach to content that I personally like. It’s like a throwback to .plan or if you want to go even further back the days of C=64 boards (as Brett mentions). I myself ran a C*Base board.

This Commodore talk made me feel nostalgic and I *almost* unpacked my Commodore and CMD hard drive and fired up Dream Park (my old BBS) just to play around with it. But uhm, then I didn’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

Instead, I Googled around to see if there were any references to me and my board on the Internet. And I found some…

Driven Issue #9 (now I just need to find a reader for this thing). I think I had lots of crap in the Propaganda disk mag too, but I can’t find that online.

Those days were definitely the most fun I had coding. When computers had limited resources you certainly had to be creative to do things. For example I pretty much rewrote the C*Base software to be 100% memory resident. Leaving enough free memory for variables and other crap, that means the BBS software itself was pruned down to about 35k (that included users, voting, message boards, file upload/downloads, etc.) Or how I ran the board on a Commodore 128 (but in 64 mode) so I could tap the 2Mhz processor of the 128 vs. the 1Mhz processor on the “normal” 64. Ahhhh… the good ol’ days. ๐Ÿ™‚

– Cyborg/F4CG+Avantgarde+Genesis

I found a Commodore 64 emulator for Mac OS X, and loaded up Driven #9. Amazing what a dork I was (am??). Here’s one of the pages from my “interview”…

I Could Grow To Love The Raiders

I can’t ever remember a time where I actually wanted the Raiders to win a football game, but I do believe that time is upon us. If the San Diego Chargers beat the Kansas CIty Chiefs (hopefully they will) and the Oakland Raiders beat the Denver Broncos… then guess what?

That sets up a San Diego/Denver showdown for the AFC West title in San Diego on new years eve.

Someone needs to go digging around in Randy Moss’ butt and see if they can pull an upset out of his ass.

“Please Santa, all I want for Christmas is for the Raiders to beat Denver. Oh, and peace on earth too.”

Letterman Subject Of Restraining Order

Colleen Nestler of Santa Fe, New Mexico was actually granted a restraining order against David Letterman because she says he used code words on Late Night to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host. According to the documents, Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her mental cruelty and sleep deprivation since May 1994.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman “thoughts of love” after his “Late Show” began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East. She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised “teaser” for his show by saying, “Marry me, Oprah.” Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not “think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.”

I have one word for that lady – Hahahahahahahaahahaha!

What I Want For Christmas

In order from cheapest to most expensive:

Ferrari F430 Coupe

Price: $174,585
Color To Get Me: Titanium (if you are going to get me all the cars, get this one in yellow. Too many silver cars otherwise.)

Aston Martin V12 Vanquish S

Price: $255,000
Color To Get Me: Titanium

Rolls-Royce Phantom

Price: $328,750
Color To Get Me: Black

Mercedes-Benz SLR

Price: $450,000
Color To Get Me: Silver

$1,208,335 for 4 cars. hahaha

Now, if you would rather get me something a little more exotic, these are your options…

Chrysler ME Four-Twelve

Price: ~$650,000
Color To Get Me: Silver

Ferrari Enzo

Price: ~$1,000,000
Color To Get Me: Red

McLaren F1

Price: ~$1,400,000
Color To Get Me: Who Cares?

Chargers Are The Grinch

San Diego was the team that went into New England and beat the Patriots at home for the first time in years (21 straight home game victories). Now they went to Indianapolis and treated Peyton Manning like the little bitch that he is. Indianapolis was the NFLs only unbeaten team (13-0) and San Diego killed their aspirations of an undefeated season.

Peyton Manning isn’t all that great. Maybe Indianapolis will bring Ryan Leaf out of retirement to give them a real quarterback. ๐Ÿ™‚

I Run With My Face

Not exactly the proper treadmill technique (I’m assuming anyway). “Are jeans and a jacket the proper running attire?”

Man, I could watch this over and over for hours and keep laughing I think. What the hell is the blonde chick doing? ๐Ÿ™‚

P.S. – Does anyone know how to convert an animated GIF to a Quicktime movie (still need it)?

Google Is My Friend

Yesterday, if someone asked me if I was friends with Google, I would have said, “Nah, we are just acquaintances… you know, “hi”, “bye” if we see each other at lunch or something.”

But today that all changed. Not only did Google send me a Christmas present (cool stuff too… 128MB USB drive, USB hub, wireless mouse, headphones with a mic, USB torch, and some other stuff), but it came in a package that clearly says, From your friends at Google.

Now that’s saying something… not only do I have *a* friend at Google, I have more than one. Damn I’m popular!

Paris Hilton and Matt Cutts In My Dreams

I’ve been having bizarre dreams about people that I know who they are, but never met before. Last night I somehow got caught in the middle of Paris Hilton and some of her friends robbing a department store. Long story short is somehow I got sucked into being their getaway driver.

The night before I had a dream where I was at some SES show (which I’ve never actually been to one) and was talking to Matt Cutts and realized he was building a house directly next to mine and was somehow trying to convince me to install a backup data center for Google in my server room in the basement of the house. So I asked him, “Why don’t you put it in your house? You work for them.” and he replies, “Well electricity is expensive and you are going to have solar panels, so it would be free for you.”

If nothing else, Matt can unquestionably say that people dream about him now. ๐Ÿ™‚

MySQL Memory Fragmentation

Okay, I *thought* it wasn’t a problem (at the time), but it turns out, it just made it “less” of a problem.

After watching the server closely for a month or two I think I finally figured out what the hell is going on. mysqld is not really efficient with it’s memory (I finally figured it out with vmmap). To the point that I start getting 10,000+ different memory segments for mysqld after about 24 hours of use. On a server that has many gigs of unused/free memory (with MySQL only using about 200MB), that’s pretty sucky memory management if you ask me.

That explains why it gets slower and slower over time and also explains why pretty much removing the query cache (memory) made it less of a problem.

I opened a bug report with MySQL about it, so *hopefully* we can finally get it taken care of and I don’t have to restart the mysqld daemon every 24-48 hours.

Cross-Database JOIN With MySQL

You ever wish you could have done something for years, only to realize one day you could have done it this whole time?

I have a couple tables that I was replicating across 3 or 4 MySQL databases because I didn’t think I could reference a table from database A while working with database B.

Today I accidentally tried to do a SELECT on a table from a database I wasn’t even working with and instead of getting an error, it worked. As long as the user you are connected to MySQL as has the proper privileges (duh), it works. You just prefix your table/column name with the database name.

For example:
[code=sql]SELECT database1.tablename.a_column,database2.another_table.another_column
FROM database1.tablename
LEFT JOIN database2.another_table ON(database1.tablename.some_id = database2.another_table.some_id)[/code]

You can do anything you can do with tables in the same database (INSERT SELECT, JOINS, sub-queries, etc.)

Wow, I’m an idiot… its probably been a feature since version 1.0 too. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now if you could just do the same thing across different MySQL servers (something like ipaddress.database.table.field), that would be really handy.

Brass Knuckle Implants

So apparently two readers of my blog got the same idea after reading this entry. How awesome would it be to get brass knuckle implants? And they are cheaper than breast implants, so it’s even better! Judging from some of their life decisions, these are obviously good women that would make good mommies.

Elderly Drug Dealers

Saw this on CNN today… apparently elderly people who are hard up for cash are selling their prescription medicine to addicts for quick cash.

Dottie, say it isn’t so!

Dottie Neeley, 87, was fingerprinted, photographed and thrown in jail, imprisoned as much by the tubing from her oxygen tank as by the concrete and steel around her.

The woman — who spent two days in jail after her arrest last December — is among a growing number of Kentucky senior citizens charged in a crackdown on a crime authorities say is rampant in Appalachia: Elderly people are reselling their painkillers and other medications to addicts.

“When a person is on Social Security, drawing $500 a month, and they can sell their pain pills for $10 apiece, they’ll take half of them for themselves and sell the other half to pay their electric bills or buy groceries,” Floyd County jailer Roger Webb said.


Miami Dolphins

I went to the game today and San Diego didn’t look so hot. They were beat (at home) by the Miami Dolphins (not exactly the best team). San Diego goes to Indianapolis next week to play the undefeated Colts next week in their home stadium. Joy. ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe loosing to the Dolphins will get them pissed off enough to kill the Colt’s dream of an undefeated season.

Color Rendering Of Front Elevation

I have a color rendering of the front elevation of my house now (it’s required for the second phase of the design review by the HOA).

It was too big to fit in my scanner, so I pieced it together from two different scans. If you don’t like the line where the images were joined, too bad! ๐Ÿ™‚

Notice the moat on the front (with a bridge to the front door).